A Time to Grieve

Karen Taylor suffered more than her share of personal loss in the last few years. Karen is a mother with a young child, with a background in Interior Architecture and Hospitality Management. Her concept of The Sympathy Pin arose in response to her need to acknowledge her grief as she struggled to deal with the untimely loss of an unborn child, a mother, and then a sister and aunt, as well as the loss of a friend and brother in law.

As a tangible, but unobtrusive symbol, the very act of wearing The Sympathy Pin reminded her that it was reasonable to need time and space to cope with her grief, as she went about the task of every day living, well beyond the ceremony of the funeral.

The untimely death of a loved one requires us to be patient with ourselves and to acknowledge that whilst we may appear to be okay on the outside, the turbulence within only subsides with time, and is a very individual experience. Whilst other cultures offer structured community support over time, our culture today does not offer a lot of support on this personal level. We do not share or have access to the same community awareness.

With or without the support of religion in our lives, a small physical token to "notify" strangers of our loss facilitates immediate understanding, pre-empting the need to explain, but at the same time eliminating any false conclusions. It is difficult to say why you may not be feeling quite as able to smile vivaciously when doing your job. You may not feel inclined to explain, nor may it be appropriate to do so. A clearly recognized visual symbol generates understanding, by conveying the message without explanation. It acts as a link to our community, allowing them to understand.

Many other cultures provide tangible evidence to facilitate recognition of grieving. Wearing black, cutting or growing hair for example. Our own culture during Victorian times, less than a century ago provided for "widows weeds", black armbands, and mourning brooches. These tangible signs of grieving have been cast aside in the rush of life in the 20th century. Our fast pace no longer allows for the "leisure" of grieving. People are expected to bounce back and get on with life.

The simple act of putting The Sympathy Pin on, at the start of your day is a personal acknowledgment of your grieving. It is both normal and reasonable for you to need time to come to terms with your loss, and this act in itself reminds you to be patient with yourself. Later, on the anniversary of the loss of a loved one we may also again feel vulnerable and need to symbolize our grief and again the Pin is a simple way to allow us to acknowledge this fact.